Premarital Sex-A Taboo that kills!
Sex. There are only two reasons why this word has attracted you, either your curiosity has drawn you towards finding more through this article than you already know or you practice celibacy and thus want to fish for better arguments through this article.
In any case, let us delve into this topic, interesting for many and obnoxious for few and at the risk of sounding politically correct, find out whether it’s okay to have sex before marriage……..or not.
India is a culturally sensitive country, there are circles and vicinities where the light falls beyond the constitutionally constructed & amended laws. The looms of Indian society even today function over the fabrics of ethos, religious norms and the constitution, sometimes the former overpower the latter.
As is the case with any country being run on the rigidity of religious principles, India too has its own shares of taboos, stereotypes and moral policing.
There are codified norms on how girls should dress, whether stripped jeans are a part of our culture is debated, married women should cover their faces or as it is known as Ghungat Pratha in Rajasthan & Haryana is forced, and the one that beats them all is sex.
Just the word in itself is enough to turn many heads, it’s a major taboo in India, you cannot openly talk about it, you cannot discuss it with your parents, Biology teachers feel uncomfortable teaching the subject in schools and it gets worse when the discussions take place before marriage. When the word Premarital is written along the lines of sex it becomes an even bigger taboo and is shunned through and through.
Premarital sex has been discussed on religious grounds, political grounds and social grounds and somehow the narrative has come up that it is not acceptable to engage in sexual activities before marriage.
After collating everything listed above, we can say for sure that there is a degree of conservativeness in India, but was our country always like this? How can the land of Kamasutra be so visibly restrictive towards sexual gratification to an extent that it questions our choices and ability to act freely? The India we see today, was it the same centuries ago when the world was black and white? Let’s find out.
Of all the great civilizations & cultures, one that endorsed equality and equity for women was Bharatvarsa/Indus Valley Civilization. As mentioned by Chinese traveller, Hieun Tsang who visited India during the 6th Century CE, there was no purdah system(veiling), women dressed freely, had equal access to education and had equal liberty and rights.
Clothing: Ancient Indian women went topless. The three main pieces of clothing were the Antariya(Dhoti), Uttariya (Dupatta/Odhni), and Kamarabandha/Kayabandha. The Uttariya could/can be worn in various ways, many of them covering the chest. There are references to breast bands/kancukis from way back. Rather it seems that a bodice was optional (or sometimes class related). So there was no requirement that the breasts be covered at all times-Sanskrit literature mentions both tight bodices as also bare breasts decorated with sandalwood paste. Apart from this, some form of antariya (sometimes quite brief like shorts, sometimes long like a dhoti) was always worn and the uttariya was common.
In ancient times people respected others more, the body was not exclusively considered a sexual object or an object of desire, and sex was a dignified act and sexuality not automatically associated with nudity.
One of the main reasons for nudity in the ancient world is none other than practicality.
Until methods to obtain fibres and weave them into clothes became more or less technologically developed, clothes were expensive.
Not wearing a lot of clothes when it was hot and sweaty was therefore common in the ancient world, and India was not an exception.
Not to mention, crimes against women were scarce, men respected women irrespective of the outfit they wore, their bodies were seen as an expression of beauty and as described by travellers like Hieun Tsang, this worked in creating an embankment of gracious harmony between men and women.
So where did we go wrong?
The change in the understanding of modesty, decency, shamefulness etc can be attributed to the number of invasions Bharatvarsa/India went through.
The Mughals/Mongols introduced a system where women were objectified, Hindu women treated as Haram, sold off as slaves, and thus to protect women Hindu Kings/Rulers advised women to cover themselves, which today is unfortunately known as Ghungat Pratha in Rajasthan & Haryana.
Similarly, the Victorians under the British Empire imposed Blouse/Petticoat on Bengali women who never wore anything to cover their breasts under a saree.
The British with their prudish ways and the Mughals with their Bullish ways contributed to the slow degradation of an ancient culture, ironically, today it makes the bullies appear modern & progressive while what was once an exemplification of purity and openness, lies in the ruins of its own making.
So the India we see today is a country recovering from centuries of Islamic invasions, British & Portuguese Colonization and decades of Congress rule.
However, how does it still justify the taboo looming over Premarital Sex?
Let’s compare two countries, the United States of America & India, in the USA, it is very common for a teenager to lose his/her virginity by 17–18, what is uncommon in the USA is to find a virgin, thus virgins in America are mocked, trolled, laughed at, all in good fun.
In India, it’s the total opposite, virgins are a-plenty, non-virgins are uncommon, and thus non-virgins are humiliated, slut-shamed, their character assassinated and go through consistent moral policing.
Why this contrastingly massive difference in treating adults for their choices in the world’s oldest and largest democracies respectively?
I am sure you would say, “Well India is a religious country, and thus the shunning”. So let’s take a look at all the religious scriptures that consider Premarital Sex a crime/sin.
Religious Scriptures that shun Premarital Sex:
Having skimmed through The Old Testament, The Qur’an, The Torah, Arthashastra, Manusmriti, Yajur Veda, Valmiki’s Ramayana, Vyasa’s Mahabharata, Agamas and Tripitakas, I have come to understand that the only religious scripture that dubiously incriminates Premarital Sex is:
The Qur’an. Yes, Qur’an is the only religious scripture of significant importance that contains a verse calling out against fornication.
Chapter number 24 Verse 2 of the Quran rules Islamic jurisprudence over men and women guilty of indulging in sexual activity before marriage.
The Old Bible consists of a few verses that mention celibacy like 1 Corinthians 6:18–20 says “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body’s a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
But these cannot be directly attributed to sinning if indulged in fornication because they are interpreted as a commandment to refrain from having sex as a whole and not in parts.
What about Hindu scriptures?
Hindu texts catalogue eight means of varying degrees of acceptability of acquiring a bride. Gāndharva vivāha is one of those. In this type of marriage, a woman selects her own mate. The two consensually agree to live together. Sensual passion drives the consummation of their relationship, which didn’t require parental or societal consent. In The Mahābhārata (Anuśāsana Parva, 44), Bhīṣma tells Yudhiṣtra that in gāndharva vivāha a father, regardless of his own preferences, gives his daughter in marriage to a person she has chosen and who reciprocates her sentiments. In narratives such as the story of Ṥakuntala and Duṣyanta, a wedding follows a romantic union. In other words, premarital sexual courtship was allowed in gāndharva vivāha.
Even though later texts portray gāndharva vivāha as the norm among the celestial beings called Gandharva, it probably originated as a form of courtship among the Ārya tribes in the Gandhāra region (modern-day Kandahar in Afghanistan) in ancient India.
Several Hindu texts deemgāndharva vivāha less desirable than some other forms of marriage. However, The Mahābhārata (Ādi Parva, Sambhava Parva, 73) and The Kāmasūtra (3:5–29–30) opine that gāndharva vivāha is the foremost of all forms of union. The Manusmṛti (3:21–26) refers to the various societal views of gāndharva vivāha. According to one view, it is less desirable than some other types of marriage whereas according to another it is conducive to all sections of society.
The Baudhāyana Dharmasūtra(1:11:10–11) says that since gāndharva vivāha is based on love and free will it would have been seen as a sensual indulgence. The Nāradasmṛti (12:40–46) takes a more pragmatic approach and recognizes gāndharva vivāha as applicable to all sections of society including the Brāhmaṇa.
Gāndharva vivāha and the associated premarital sex found qualified acceptance in Hinduism in ancient times. Only later on it went out of vogue. This refutes the assertion that premarital sex is “against the tenets of every religion in India.”
So there you have it, the only religious scripture to penalize Premarital Sex didn’t even originate in India, and the religion that did never imposed any restriction on the ability to freely think for oneself.
Evils of this Taboo
So far we have discussed the probable causes, the history of Ancient India and religious scriptures opposing Fornication, let’s now understand the evils of holding prejudices against Premarital Sex.
Marital Rape:
The vast majority of Indian men have established sex as a marriage exclusive act, thus they refrain from indulging in sexual activities until their wedding night, as do the women who have been taught that their honour and character lies in between their legs and not in their brain.
Since marriage becomes a license for having sex, consent goes for a toss, according to Dilaasa, a counselling centre based out of K.B. Bhabha Hospital in Bandra, 60% of Indian women face marital rape(Forced sex).
Whether they(women) are in the mood, are undergoing hormonal changes, have periods or simply exhausted, it’s no longer significant, as long as the husband wishes, the wife has to oblige.
What’s worse is, the Indian Constitution doesn’t recognize this, India is one of the 36 countries that doesn’t acknowledge marital rape, the evils of patriarchy are so deeply seeded that the place for the consent of women ceases to exist once a marriage is established between them.
Honour Killing:
One of the perils of abstaining from premarital sex is to preserve the virginity of girls.
Society is of the view that the intelligence, honour, character, civic sense and morality of a girl lies in between her legs and not in her brain. Thus she must bleed on her wedding night, to prove that she passed through the test of time.
But what happens when she doesn’t bleed?
She’s burnt alive, hacked to death, lynched to death, slut-shamed or made to disappear.
A 14-year-old girl Khusi from Haryana was burnt alive by her parents after her husband suspected her to be immoral as she didn’t bleed on their wedding night.
A 17-year-old Namrata was beaten to death by her in-laws in Rajasthan after her husband didn’t notice blood coming out of her the day they consummated their marriage.
The hymen is a thin wall covering the vagina for girls all over the world, but for Indian girls, it is, unfortunately, a wall that decides whether they get to see sunlight the next day.
Slut-Shaming:
In a constitutionally run, democratically governed country like India, adults are subjugated to the worst forms of moral policing & humiliation, for the choices that concern them and them alone.
However, this transmogrifies into slut-shaming for rape victims too, as long as the pillars of the society are built on the question of whether the walls between a woman’s legs are touched or not, it will always collapse.
Homosexuals/LGBTQA:
Even if we agree to abstain from sex until marriage, it only works for heterosexual couples.
What about homosexuals, transgenders & lesbians?
How do they work their sexual gratification?
There is no scope for marriage for LGBTQA people in India, so do they remain virgin throughout their lives because of the prejudices we hold against Fornication?
Doesn’t it now seem too narrowed and bottled up?
Sexual Exploration:
Many Indian women aren’t inherently heterosexuals, some are lesbians, some identify themselves as bisexual leaning towards women more, some are asexuals with zero affinity towards sexual desire.
When we hold this taboo, we automatically assume that everyone is heterosexual and thus should wait till marriage.
This is where the flaws spring up, an asexual woman would never feel comfortable with sexual activity irrespective of her marital status.
A lesbian would never feel for her husband because her hormones restrict her naturally.
People must be allowed to explore their sexuality so that they get to discover more about their body and choose what sits well with them.
The rigidity of the prejudices restricts them and thus we find ourselves among one of the unhappiest countries in the world list.
Conclusion:
So, is premarital sex wrong or right?
Ans. It’s neither right nor wrong, it is simply an act between two consenting adults who understand their responsibilities, have learnt about the consequences, repercussions and thus indulge in it, as long as it is done between two consenting adults it shouldn’t bother anyone.
It is similar to playing cricket, Bungee jumping, scuba diving, there is no wrong or right, if you like it, learn about the risks and do it, if you don’t like it simply avoid it.
Sex is completely a choice between two consenting adults and there should be no template to practice/shun it.
P.S. The author of this article doesn’t promote, endorse or encourage people to indulge in Premarital Sex, he simply wishes to convey that in a democratic country like India, it is a matter of choice and not a matter of wrong or right.
References:
- https://saffronflamein.wordpress.com/2021/05/13/the-distorted-conundrum-of-indian-education-system/
- https://swarajyamag.com/commentary/hinduism-and-premarital-sex
- https://quran.com/24
- https://indianexpress.com/article/opinion/columns/the-impunity-of-marital-rape/
- https://www.thehindu.com/news/cities/mumbai/Marital-rape-the-statistics-show-how-real-it-is/article14410173.ece
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